ZORBA COACH TOURS

  

Welcome to Zorba bus tours where we reserve the right to turn up an hour late with no apology. In the unlikely event of the bus actually turning up on time the driver will not wait and if you are not there you will be left behind.

Please be advised that the cost of your tour only allows for your conveyance in our aging bus, everything else, including the air that your breathe, is extra.

Throughout the tour our guide will regale you with many stories concerning our rich culture and history, unfortunately owing to the alarming noises made by the vehicles transmission system and defective air conditioning you won't be able to hear a word.

During the course of your tour the bus will be travelling along narrow roads alongside some precipitously steep cliffs, please do not be alarmed by the countless remains of what once were pristine vehicles smashed to smithereens on the rocks below. The accident rate is very low with only 15 recorded deaths on our tiny island per week. Also please don't be alarmed if our driver becomes aggressive and shows homicidal tendencies toward other road users. This is an old Greek custom and is perfectly normal.

There will be times on the tour when we find ourselves descending down some extreme terrain that is totally unsuited to the vehicle you are travelling in, this may induce clouds of smoke from what little remains of the friction material on the brake drums. Once again this is perfectly normal and nothing to worry about, although we do recommend those of a nervous disposition invest in blindfolds and ear defenders before boarding the bus.

As well as the long descents there are some equally excruciatingly long ascents where the combination of 30 degree heat, a hot engine, and ineffectual air-conditioning will roast you alive. This is not a problem as our tour guide will be able to offer you locally sourced lukewarm soft drinks created by a group of lonely goat fiddlers  herders, the uniqueness of which is reflected in the exorbitant price.

30 years ago our bus boasted  500 horsepower which enabled it to tackle the ascents with ease, sadly over the passage of time many of these horses either died or simply gave up, and there may be occasions where passengers will be required to get out and push.

We look forward to welcoming you on our tour and would like to remind you not to be late, even if we are.

Something I wrote in a notebook aftera coach trip to remember some thirty years ago.